The Need To Be Yourself

There are times in life when we would need to make a good impression. But it needs not be a deceitful performance.

A lot of people, unfortunately, hide their true character in their bid to win new acquaintances to themselves.

I remember my first date with the beautiful girl who is now my wife. I wanted her to have a good impression of me. I did not want her to be overwhelmed – at that stage –  by the not-so-attractive part of me, but it was not because I wanted to deceive her or to paint rosy pictures of myself.

We are all humans; hence we can’t be that perfect person no matter how hard we try or wish. The inappropriateness of a deliberate effort at deceit is what I am talking about here. A good and lasting relationship is based on trust and trust thrives only in truth. This is why it is advisable to be honest about who you are so that others can decide whether they want to nurture a closer relationship or not.

“That is not the person I used to know. Can people change like this?” is the sort of statement often made when a pretender’s true character is exposed. It can be a very painful experience to discover that a trusted companion or acquaintance is a different person from the person you thought they are. Putting on a front may work for a while, but it cannot last.

Pretense creates space for frustration and resentment. Before I got married, I loved to travel to forest regions, to walk in the bushes, to climb hills and mountains and probably explore caves; but my wife hated that sort of thing; she would rather go to the mall to see a movie or sit with me in a classy restaurant. We were both clear about our preferences as far as recreation is concerned, just as we did on other details of our lives. We were honest with each other about past mistakes and certain weaknesses.

Am I saying you can just open up on every detail of your life because you are in love or because you hope to connect with another person? No. It depends on you and the other person(s), and the kind of relationship you hope to nurture.

It is sad, but countless couples part ways when they suddenly discover character pretense and deceit in one another. The realization that they have been deceived breeds disappointment, distrust and even hatred. By then, it will be too late for the culprit to rectify committed errors and such a person’s integrity is lost.

Realise that the choice to accept you rests on the other party just as you have the freedom to develop a relationship or not. If you show your true colors, you will be at ease all the time, feeling at home in the affair. But if you pretend, you will always be edgy, cautious and thus unnatural.

If you are free from the temptation of trying to create a fake version of yourself to appear desirable, then you will be able to focus on becoming a better version of your true self.

You will be able to watch your speech, your behavior and your attitude at all times.

Being yourself is the quickest and surest way to improving yourself.