Childhood Bully and the Long-Lasting Damage it Causes

Though main forms of bully start and end at a young age in school, the damage it causes in the victims can last a lifetime. What defines bullying, what are its impacts, and how does it affect the victims throughout their lives.

A few days ago, I received an outpouring stream of heartbreaking responses on a video I shared about bullying in schools and its long-lasting effects. Although I suspected it was prevalent, I did not anticipate the frequency and severity of the situation.

Bullying is “unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time.”[1] When discussing bullying with some of my friends, one of them responded by saying: “we all were pushed into a fight or two back in school and we turned out fine.” I disagreed but didn’t know how to respond as I didn’t have a deep understanding yet, until I read this distinction by one of the primary websites about bullying (stopbullying.com ):

“In order to be considered bullying, the behavior must be aggressive and include:

• An Imbalance of Power: Kids who bully use their power—such as physical strength, access to embarrassing information, or popularity—to control or harm others. Power imbalances can change over time and in different situations, even if they involve the same people.
• Repetition: Bullying behaviors happen more than once or have the potential to happen more than once.”

Bullying exists in many forms[2]:

• Verbal through name-calling, threats, teasing, etc.
• Physical through punching, kicking, shoving, tripping, breaking someone’s stuff or taking them, etc.
• Social through shunning someone from a group they were in, starting rumors about someone, embarrassing someone in public.

While some may think bullying ends when the end of the aggression, the reality is different. The bully victim may develop lifelong problems with depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorders. Even the bully could develop substance abuse problems and become violent and abusive in their future relationships[3]. It’s worth noting what could push a child to become the bully, in some cases witnessing any form of bullying or dismissiveness at home can cause a child to project the same in school on other kids, in other cases lacking attention at school or being shamed for their grades can cause them to bully the kids who are getting the attention and good grades to redeem themselves[4].

Here are some of the stories I’ve received from bully victims upon the video I shared as mentioned above:

HA, Female, 38 years old

My story with bullying started at home from my siblings, and my parents allowed it because they were never bothered to interfere or step in to end it. I was bullied by my elder siblings, and my parents never did anything to stop it, with time it became the norm. If I complained; my parents would say “what’s new now?”, as if I should take it and get used to it so I wouldn’t bother them with my complaints anymore.

The bullying lasted until recently. My siblings kept bullying me at every chance they got, and my parents still allowed it. I eventually had to cut ties with my siblings because of it. But whenever they attempt it again, it hurts me so much to see that my parents still allow it.

It caused me so much pain, and I had to take additional big and difficult decision last year to cut ties with my parents too as they contributed to this pain in my life.

When you’re bullied at school, you know by the end of the day you can go home and be safe. But when you’re bullied at home, you never have a safe place to go to. I need to seek professional help as I still suffer from nightmares about my childhood and I still wake up terrified thinking I’m still being bullied by my siblings.

SA, Female, 19 years old.

It started when I was ten years old. I used to perform in art events for some of the royal family members. I was proud of my talent, but in no time, my classmates started resenting me, they socially bullied me by excluding me from the group and cutting me off for no reason. When I asked them about the reason, they said: “you are too much of a show-off, and your parents did not raise you well.” I was left with no friends. What made the matters worse is that all this happened when one of my parents and some of my siblings were out of town for a long while. Somehow, I turned into a bully myself when I took out all my frustration on my younger siblings.

I developed anxiety as a result and went through a depression phase at the age of 12. I’m still trying to grow out of this, and I’m still living with the consequences with my estranged siblings. I’m seeking help now to manage my anxiety.

JD, female,  35

I was in middle school when a group of friends discovered my father’s high-level diplomatic job and turned on me. One minute I was part of a group of friends, I felt that I belonged, and the next minute, I was excluded and lonely. They started name shaming me, spreading rumors about me, and excluding me from all gatherings, etc. It broke me because this group was my closest friends at the time. They made my life miserable for months until one day my family decided to move for other reasons.

After that incident, I vowed to never be in that situation again, and though I forged strong friendships, I never got too close to anyone, and I diversified my group of friends so I wouldn’t be dependent on one group again. It was a life lesson, and it was tough.

OA, Male, 20

Back in school, it became the norm for boys to slap and grope other boys’ behinds. A form of microaggression in a subtle way, and if you protest, you are then accused of being sensitive or can’t take a joke. The problem is, those little aggressions laid the foundation in some of the aggressors for further sexual abuse to be normalized going forward, with pretending it only makes them cool to harass other kids and potentially the other gender.

Those stories are only a small fraction of the reality, and the real world is filled with much more such experiences from the youth. Unfortunately, there is no switch button to end it, and just placing a law or a penalty won’t end it either as it requires much more than that. It’s very important to research into the signs and symptoms that exhibit in a kid being bullied at school or being the bully at school to be able to stop the cycle from continuing early on[5]. We all must take part in this to stay alert and try to notice the signs, whether as parents, educators, extended family members, friends, and acquaintances.

P.S. If you or someone you know is facing any type of bullying, whether it is physical or cyber, please make sure to contact the bullying hotline (116111). In case of emergencies or more serious concerns, contact (999).

References

[1] https://www.stopbullying.gov/what-is-bullying/index.html

[2] https://www.stopbullying.gov/what-is-bullying/index.html

[3] https://www.stopbullying.gov/at-risk/effects/index.html

[4] https://www.2knowmyself.com/
what_makes_a_child_become_a_bully

[5] https://www.stopbullying.gov/at-risk/warning-signs/index.html