After moving to the UK and trying to re-ignite my passion for gardening, I could not help but notice parallels between the natural world and our mental state of mind.
A few weeks ago, I read a friend’s tweet about self-care and how happiness is an inside job. It got me thinking about what that actually means. I used to jokingly refer to having a “mental garden” but the more I thought about it, the more fitting it is. Life in the UAE is famed for its excesses that pervade every level; not just material items we gather but also in terms of socialising and experiences. The constant pressure to have a large group of friends, go to the hottest new places in town, the list goes on and on. Quantity is celebrated over quality and more is always better…or is it?
We are now being swamped with articles on mindfulness, but not without good reason. There seems to be a worldwide move towards recognising the benefits of mental wellbeing, and Dubai is now considered the regional home of positive psychology[i], where the work being done in schools to promote character, wellbeing and mental resilience amongst students is absolutely remarkable. Other countries which lead the way in positive psychology in schools include the US, UK and Australia.
Personally, I was much older when I realised that practicing self-care is not about being selfish, and I have recently started diplomatically exercising stronger and healthier boundaries, that is how the mental garden metaphor came about. Imagine for a moment that you want to have a beautiful garden with perfectly tended flowers and landscaping, but it’s overrun with weeds, pests, and the kids from next door are always trampling through it. The first thing you must do to be maintain the beautiful garden is build a secure boundary to protect from mindless trespassers, get rid of the weeds, and start planting your beautiful flowers and trees.
I no longer feel pressured into spending my valuable (and finite!) time and money going somewhere I don’t want to, with people I don’t really have anything in common with. Even small steps like unfollowing or muting certain people on social media helps your mental garden flourish. The interesting thing I have noticed is that once you start doing it, it’s like a domino effect. Others also speak up and feel more empowered to resist peer pressure to spending their time and money on things they don’t really want to. My mental garden now has a more secure boundary around it, but with a gate to allow inside those who spark joy and add beauty, while refusing entry to those who secretly want to kick the heads off my metaphorical roses. On the flip side of this – I am more conscious of how I act in other people’s gardens. Am I being helpful and pulling up any stray weeds and praising their flowers? Or am I bringing toxic energy and generally being an unwanted guest?
It might feel like a long, daunting journey for you to achieve a beautiful garden like the ones you would see in a magazine but if you do small actions on a daily basis to tend to your mental garden and of those around you, I promise that you will start seeing the benefits almost immediately and you certainly won’t regret it!
References:
[i] https://teachmiddleeastmag.com/khda-positive-education-finds-its-regional-home-in-dubai/
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Being a half Emirati i felt double pressure to go to the new hot-spots and spend a lot of my money on pointless things just so i wouldn’t feel any different from my full Emirati friends , but when i reached the fire age i started to discover myself as a person and my true light other than try to do what every Emirati was doing . My garden started blooming and i was in peace with myself and no longer felt the need to impress other people.