Can prejudice be passed on to kids? It all depends on the parents behavior and what they model in front of their kids. A hospital incident that shows how such prejudiced behaviors still exist in our day and age.
I thought I had seen it all; backstabbing, stealing, lying, people having their hearts broken, people being cheated on and more. That was until the night I took my son to a hospital emergency room and witnessed one woman’s appalling behavior.
Everyone’s patience was being tested in an overcrowded, understaffed emergency room. A disheveled short woman rushed in with her drowsy daughter demanding from the receptionist to be seen by a doctor immediately. We were all perplexed, as her case did not appear to be a life-threatening emergency. When she realized her screaming was futile, she went on to harass the closest nurse by dragging her into the examination room and forcing the petrified nurse to check her child. As if the physical assault on a nurse was not bad enough, she began arguing with the parent whose turn she took. Aggressive words were exchanged until she waved off the other parent and shouted: “IF ONLY YOU KNEW WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO.”
The room fell quiet in bewilderment upon hearing those grave words. Why did this woman feel more entitled because of who she was? As the situation escalated, she walked to the duty manager, adamant that she get her way by explaining whose wife she was. I was more saddened than angry as I watched the duty manager’s obedient reaction.
Having witnessed those words uttered in 2019 was a shocker to me but I should not be surprised, as the world remains full of snobbery and elitism. The last I was exposed to this mentality was back in the 90s when a backward-thinking, uneducated employer threatened to cancel the visa of an expat employee whose behavior was simply non-conforming.
I sat in that emergency room and mulled the situation over in my head. That despicable woman came from a place of hatred and I chose not to acknowledge her very existence. The disaster in my opinion was that her daughter witnessed it all. How will this girl grow up to be with such a mother?
No child is born with inherent prejudice. It is simply a learned behavior. Children learn by watching and imitating people, therefore parents are repetitively reminded to be positive role models. Subconsciously, modelling affects behavior far more than telling children what to do. Neuroscience research demonstrates the role of “mirror neurons” that when activated in the brain, can lead children to engage in the same behavior they observe. This mechanism is what helps children pick up good morals from their parents. Similarly, it also allows them to be influenced negatively.
As parents, we are our children’s first and strongest teachers and we should never underestimate the influence we have on them. Our children may not have a choice about the life they are brought into, but it is not fair for them to be burdened by our issues and it is our responsibility to give them better options in life. There are ample ways of doing this, the simplest is by modelling good behavior.
Still waiting in the emergency room for my child’s turn, I had a flash and foresaw an image of this little girl mimicking her mother’s behavior and attitude towards other children in school. How dreadful!
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Thank you Shrooq for sharing the story and I hope from god to give as a power to be a great mom .. love you.. nesreen
Well said. And as I remember reading once (if you want to teach your child something, don’t tell them to do it, instead , do it in front of them).
Waiting for more socially eye opening topics Shurooq.
Amazing feedback, thanks for sharing this Shurooq, keep going.
(Children don’t listen , they imitate) !
Lots of love, Suha.
Thank you for sharing this article Shurooq. Come to think of this such behaviour is constantly and consistently portrayed around children.. in restaurants, shops, etc. Even if its not the childs parents acting out, its the table or group next to them. We need to be very cautious that children feed off this type of behaviour and need to start realizing what an individual does affects more than just the direct parties involved. I hope more people realize this because im a true believe that the little things make a difference!
-Maitha
Great article! Sometimes as parents we let our emotions take over forgetting the harm it does to our children. The lady was clearly worried about her child and wanted to get help quick but her approach was definitely wrong.
This just shows how unaware people can be about themselves in stressful situations.. if only we can practice self awareness and mindfulness more often, we would be able to stop the generational prejudice and raise kinder kids.