Tolerance is a Reaction to a Disagreeing Action

Learning the true meaning of tolerance through navigating differences and disagreements.

Being an Emirati student at a diverse university, with a student body that represents more than 120 nationalities—a microcosm of this diverse nation—I was bound to view tolerance from a new perspective. Indeed, this change took some time and various experiences, some of which were rather painful, to take its shape. However, after only a few months, the person I looked at in the mirror every morning was a different human being.

A very prominent experience in this journey was a group project that I had with three other students, each from a different nationality. During our first meeting, we briefly introduced ourselves and introduced the background that we came from. In the beginning, cultural diversity did not seem to be a problem, at all. However, after our second meeting, my opinion drastically changed. While exchanging some words, one of the members opened up her beliefs regarding women in my culture. She believed that Arab women are always under the control of a man, and cannot thus make their own decisions.

Upon her words, I was rendered speechless. I was not sure how to react at that time, even though I was fully aware that I strongly disagreed with her. However, I decided that for the sake of the project I had to stay quiet, thinking that disagreeing with her would prevent us from tolerating each for the remainder of the project. Despite my actions though, I was very conflicted as I was not sure if what I did was the right thing. That was the first time I began thinking about the true meaning of tolerance.

Tolerance is defined as “the ability or willingness to tolerate the existence of opinions or behavior that one dislikes or disagrees with.” In other words, tolerance does not mean embracing, or even understanding, everyone else’s perspective. At the same time, it does not mean the absence of disagreement – this would be an impossible goal, given the diversity of race, gender, ethnicity, and religion.

You tolerate others when you disagree with them, therefore tolerance is a reaction to a disagreeing action. The United Arab Emirates declared 2019 to be the Year of Tolerance. During this year, one of the greatest examples of tolerance that took place was the Pope’s visit. During the Pope’s visit, an estimate of more than 120,000 people headed to the Papal mass. This historical visit symbolizes tolerance.

Having understood this, I realized that even though people aspire to tolerate others, many misunderstand the concept of tolerance. I strongly believe that people must be able to distinguish between the avoidance of disagreement and the ability to tolerate others. This is very essential as the misinterpretation between intolerance and disagreement can defy the freedom of opinion and expression. It is very common for people to accuse others of being intolerant for simply disagreeing with their beliefs, morals or opinions. As a result, a significant number of people choose to lose their right of expression to avoid being under fire, thus preventing many misconceptions from being clarified.

In an attempt to avoid disagreements, many people avoid conversations about topics that may contradict their beliefs and morals. It often goes as far as preventing others from discussing such topics and labeling them as “prohibited ideas”. Unfortunately, such actions lead to dangerous consequences, such as the creation of a culture that fears to express itself. For instance, I know many people who are afraid that if they question any forbidden topics in their culture, others will accuse them of supporting it or, even worse, committing it themselves. This is because we have a culture of selective ignorance, and any attempts to understand (or tolerate) something is perceived as accepting and embracing that thing. But to be a tolerant society, we can (and should) try to understand and tolerate ideas, opinions, and behaviors that we may not agree with.

In addition to that, avoidance of controversial topics can have negative effects on intergroup harmony. Due to pre-existing ideas and stereotypes about different groups and the lack of any experience with their members, people tend to react towards those groups based on what they’ve heard of them, which has the possibility of being right or wrong. Such a mindset fails to distinguish between disagreement and tolerance. Thus, they decide that they are unable to tolerate other group members before even trying to give them a chance.

Intolerance can have many negative consequences—not just in a group’s relations, but also within individuals. In an intolerant society, people who don’t fit into society’s normative standards are at risk of stress, depression, and other mental health issues. For example, a very emotional man might hold in his emotions and practice showing indifference because of a fear of exclusion and labels. Having said that, I highly encourage everyone to be open about their opinion and beliefs even if others disagree with them since the consequence of a more tolerant society is not a lack of disagreement but creating a place where individuals feel safe to express themselves. In such an environment, people are able to civilly discuss their disagreements and explain their opinion even if they do not change each other opinions.