Working Women and the Stigma of Loneliness

We are on a two-way road where we are either in line with the status quo or wrong. We are either working empowered women or traditional brainwashed women.

By today, women have gone through three waves of feminism. The first wave of feminism in the 19^th century focused on the female’s right to vote and own property. The second wave of feminism was concerned with women’s equal rights and liberation during the late 20^th century. During the 21^st century, the 3^rd wave of feminism came as a reaction and continuation of the 2^nd feminism wave and it is a more of an ideology-based wave that challenges the current definition of what femininity is.

Women in the Middle East did not go through the same pace or achieve all the same rights as the women in the West. The Middle Eastern society’s structure remained unmoved by the major changes that affected women globally until recently when the biological roles were not only questioned but tested and proven as a barrier towards modern standards and requirements to sustain dignity and a sustainable life.

We can’t speak of modernity without capitalism, the capitalist mentality, and feminist waves that have empowered Middle Eastern women to be more than mothers and teachers; they became sales representatives, doctors, businesswomen, lawyers, and more. Our new roles were completely embraced by the capitalist mindset and liberal values that came with it, putting productivity, utility, and individuality in the front seat, while pushing back the traditional roles of reproduction and companionship in the backseat with a bag of shame. This is clearly seen on social media by the way mainstream speech has made it almost shameful to choose anything that falls short of  “Happily single”, “Living for myself”, and “Working for success.”

So after we, women, come home from an 8 am-5 pm job we are not allowed to feel lonely without feeling shameful or labeled “traditional” for wanting a family of our own to come home to or a husband to lean on without undermining our claim to independence. So we post mainstream posts about working and traveling with friends when we’d rather have a significant other instead, or posts about kids being a headache and that we are too busy striving for success to handle them since we are not “Birthing Machines” but in reality coming home to an empty house at 25yr – 30yr+, feeling a lack of kids or spouses, doesn’t feel whole. The weekends have become dreadful because the reality of being on your own weighs in and all the materialism in the world couldn’t lift that cloud.

Our yearnings are constantly invalidated by the pride and lack of concern from the mainstream, whether it is by the long speeches of not needing a partner or that our yearnings are some form of brainwash we should fight against. We are shamefully lonely on a two-way road where we aren’t allowed to accept a balance nor acknowledge human nature. We are either in line with the change or totally wrong, disregarding the fact that the whole point of having a choice is being able to choose even if it isn’t the mainstream, even if it is the traditional choice; it’s not about what you choose but rather being able to choose in itself. Having a choice can be trivial since we would rather choose our own partner, but we are not allowed to live that lifestyle so the absence of choice is being dressed as “I don’t need a man” because let’s be honest, how many Middle Eastern women, especially GCC women, are allowed to openly date or tell their parents that they have found their own partner? It’s like a paradox.

These words I write are a protest against the mainstream and an attempt at opening up about the loneliness we feel shameful to express, or too prideful to admit. It is natural to feel lonely at night when you turn to the side of your single bed and find nothing but a nightstand at 30yrs because “we are strong independent women” in the most cynical voice. Are we brave enough to challenge the status quo and admit that we have gone a little off track?