Love in The Times of COVID-19

With conflict rising when couples are working from home together, how can they survive?

WhatsApp blinked.  It was a message in the group chat. “Guess what? Another corona fight with the husband (rolling-eyes emoji)”.

“Why did you fight this time?” someone asked.

“He insisted on moving the microwave upstairs” was the reply, followed by an angry 7-minute voice note, detailing kitchen appliance arrangements.

The rest of us in the group became accustomed to receiving such texts when the globe went into lockdown mode.  What started as occasional bickering changed into a daily fight over absurdities. Some of us had started wondering whether that couple’s marriage would last.

As this novel coronavirus continues to sweep across the globe, some couples rediscovered marital bliss, while others have been put under immense strain.  Personal relationships have reshaped in unprecedented ways because a lot of changes happened all at once.  Couples forced to stay home have started arguing more often.  The pressure of confinement has led to escalating tensions that are causing damage to their relationships.  As a result, the number of couples wanting a divorce has spiked worldwide.  China, for example, has reported “record-high numbers of divorce filings” ⁽¹⁾ since March as a consequence of the mandatory lockdown. Sadly, reports of domestic violence have also spiked ⁽¹⁾.

So what is it about the quarantine that has caused many couples to clash?  In addition, why do couples fight more when stuck at home?

A simple explanation is that all these couples are in each other’s faces all the time.  This intensity of togetherness naturally causes them to clash, especially if they are each other’s sole source of stress relief.  Before the outbreak, couples did not spend as much time together.  Moreover, in times of conflict, they were able to turn to friends and family for emotional support.  Given all the health and distancing measures, there are now fewer places and means for venting.

How then, can a couple endure being trapped together under the same roof without leaving cracks in their relationships? The keyword is space.  Being at home together does not mean you have to spend all your time together. Space and time are high diffusers of tensions in any relationship.

Here are a few tips that can help:

• If you are both working from home, have separate workspaces.
• Give each other space by allowing your partner some alone time.
• Try to have a balance between solo and family activities.

Most importantly, in order not to lose your mind during these times, you must practice self-care. This is not just for your health and safety but for your sanity as well.

This unpredictable pandemic will eventually come to an end.  These days will be but a distant memory.  The best we can do is try to get out of it with the least damage possible. So let us emerge from this pandemic with more durable and more stable relationships.  We owe it to ourselves.

“Next time, hold your tongue.  Remember that you love him.  Remember your wedding vows: for better or worse”, was the final message in the WhatsApp group.

References:

1. https://www.globaltimes.cn/content/1185583.shtml