Losing the Spark: A University Experience

While I started university energetic and enthusiastic, I left it burned-out and demotivated. Is losing the spark inevitable?

To say I was excited when I started university would be an understatement. For the entirety of the first semester, I made sure to not only attend every single class but also show up at least fifteen minutes early. I was genuinely eager to be in the classroom, going over the courses’ readings and completing assignments on time. I looked forward to the coming years and what they would bring with great optimism. Needless to say, that didn’t last for long.

Attending classes slowly started to become a struggle, and any day off was a blessing that I would anticipate for months. Before I knew it, I started to nod when my peers would say “I just want to get it over with”. In hindsight, I’m astonished at how my attitude had completely transformed by the time I had graduated. How did my excitement get replaced by dread? Where did it all go wrong?

Despite being passionate about my major, I realized that the expectation was to merely take part in the monotonous process of attending classes and scoring on a metric scale. My test scores were not considered reflective of my own learning process but rather automatically put in a graph showcasing the class’s average performance. My assignments were evaluated according to rigid rubrics, not on effort or creativity. The robotic nature of it all was enough to consume any excitement that I had initially come to university with.

My attempt to live up to a certain standard left me mentally-exhausted. The university environment reinforced the perception (initially developed at school) that my self-worth was tied to my GPA. Although instructors would often talk about how they believed grades were not a measure of one’s learning, they still proceeded to warn us about falling behind in our coursework.

And so, my decisions became oriented towards whatever would keep my GPA high. I opted for easier electives even if they didn’t interest me and chose research topics solely based on how much effort I’d have to put in. Instead of challenging myself and expanding my knowledge, I focused on academic expectations. I became so accustomed to how draining university was that I started considering bad lifestyle choices to be part of the experience.

It’s concerning that habits like pulling an all-nighter to study or sitting for hours to meet deadlines are prevalent among university students. When various studies repeatedly sound the alarm about students feeling burned out, stressed, and even depressed, maybe it is time for universities to go beyond “tips for mental health” emails and address the fundamental issues with university pressure and workload.

It is important to note that my time in university did include many positive experiences. The extra-curricular activities, friends, peers, and instructors have added to my personal and academic development. But this cannot disguise the fact that the very core of what being a student entailed – actual studying – became increasingly uninteresting, draining, and burdensome as I neared graduation.

The lack of excitement seniors exhibit could be attributed to our human nature; no matter how spectacular something is, its appeal dies off at some point. But I still believe that the issue lies deeper and is manifested in our experiences. While universities tend to focus on students’ preparedness for future careers and academic standards, a crucial missing part of the equation is the students’ attitudes towards learning. No matter how meticulously thought-out the learning outcomes are, the goals of improving education will not be realized if those who are supposed to learn are overworked, demotivated, and stressed. Perhaps “revolutionizing” higher education simply starts by re-examining what ignites excitement in students’ hearts and understanding how to keep that alive.